She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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