I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize