I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
