How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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