the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
