so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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