i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
