That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
