how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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