hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
