oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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