her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
