I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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