tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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