guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
