I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
