My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
