If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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