eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
