Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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