so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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