Tell her she can't have a vagina
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
