OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
