Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
