NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Actions speak louder than pants.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
