We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
