I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
