You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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