i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
