I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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