his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
