first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
