I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
