oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize