I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
