it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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