He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
