before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
