Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
