Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
