Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
