The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
