a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
