i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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