What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
false alarm. still invincible.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
