I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i drank out of a bidet.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
