i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am mentally ready for anal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
