I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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