Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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