if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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