And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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