ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
