ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
