he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
