would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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