So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want to be your penis for a week.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
