Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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