They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
