can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
