and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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