"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
