well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
