Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
