trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
