If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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