dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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