Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
