i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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