someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize