Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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