Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
