Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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