I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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