Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
