So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
