my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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