The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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