I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
