So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
