i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
